It’s been almost 5 months since my last blog post and I have beaten myself up every single day for not being more consistent with it. In that time I was pregnant, raising two kids, working part time, preparing our home and family for the newest addition, and focusing on content creating. I find myself constantly reminding others to show themselves grace. Easier said than done though, right? I very much value rest, breaks, prioritizing peace and quiet for a peaceful mind for everyone… except myself.

I am a mom of 3 who is 7 weeks postpartum with a husband who works 6 days a week. While I know I am doing my best… I also want, wish, and feel like I should be doing more or find myself beating myself up over what I could have done when I chose to rest or be unproductive for 30 minutes instead. 

Realistically, I’m not perfect and I know I’m not, but I also have this constant to-do list going in my mind and a sense of worthiness that is very dependent on how much I can check off that list. Should I be in therapy for that? Sure, but that’s another topic and not the point right now. One thing I let myself be blind to is that the list never ends—it only gains more on a daily basis and I’m mentally exhausting myself with this endless cycle. 

And what do I do? Ya know? Like I have young children. My husband has been in his new job position for barely 6 months, we welcomed our third baby less than 2 months ago, my older 2 are struggling most days with adjusting to the split attention of everything, I am nursing day and night, I’m doing my best to manage my postpartum mental health, working hard to monetize in order to build an income from home, and also preparing to go back to work with an infant at home. 

Do I need and sometimes crave the social aspect of going to work? Yeah, of course. It made a huge difference for me after having my son and struggling with ppd, ppa, and ppr. With that being said, I have this hunger for something so much more for our family, more than anything we have ever done before… because well, my kids deserve everything that life can possibly offer them. At the same time (and I’m sure I’m not alone in this), I just want a change. I need the chaos to rest. I need and crave more financial stability and more time to be present. 

Focusing more on our routine and building generational wealth seems to be the answer to all of my problems. At the same time it adds a whole new level of stress to the constant to-do list. So here I am at midnight, after nursing and changing diapers, working hard on a post that I have been trying to fit in for months now. I’m sure I will regret the lack of sleep in the morning, but maybe, just maybe I’ll feel a sense of accomplishment because I finally took the time to get back to this after being ran ragged, pulled in 10 different directions, and healing from building and birthing a whole person. Mom life, right?!