I think one of the main things I have always struggled with is being the go to, but not just the one people call when they need something… the one who holds others accountable, the one constantly giving the advice, the one with so much empathy for everyone around that somedays it’s borderline debilitating… all of it is really. I guess some would call it the “strong friend” or the “blunt” or “brutally honest friend,” sometimes even the “mom friend.” I don’t think it really occurs to most people what actually goes in to being that person for others. It’s exhausting and also very lonely. It’s not always that we don’t have someone to lean on when need be, but that majority of those safe spaces still don’t compare to the effort we put in or burdens we put on ourselves for others.

If you know, you know… and if you don’t then odds are you have a go to person who fits that mold for you. Remember to always hold space for that person because odds are they have been that person the entirety of their lives. Chances are they’ve struggled with asking for help every time they needed it, they’ve struggled with separating themselves from the choices that their loved ones make, and they’ve struggled with saying “no” even when it’s nearly impossible for them to say “yes,” because they always find a way.

Unfortunately, as one of these people, I can say that it’s easy to feel like an afterthought. It’s easy to feel consistently recognized for our strength, perseverance, and independence. In reality, we had no other option and while it may seem like a strong suit, it’s also one of our major downfalls. Sometimes I want to scream out loud that I just cannot do it all or be it all. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of empathy and loneliness because nobody gets how hard it is to be that person. If you don’t struggle with this mentality, it may seem like a choice or something that should be easy to break, but after so long it becomes a staple of the personality… how could it not?

It’s a blessing in disguise… because even though some days I really struggle (especially nowadays as a very busy and overwhelmed mother), I STILL wouldn’t change this element of myself. Even though there are those some days that I’m so far under the water, I find a lot of pride and serenity in knowing that there aren’t many like me, and that I have been and can be such a strong shoulder and trusting foundation for so many of those that I hold close to me. It may not be easy. It may be a lot to carry on a regular basis, but it’s worth it. It’s worth it for the love and trust that it puts into my relationships, and its worth it for the healing, transparency, and understanding that it adds to my own mind and heart.

Will it ever get easy? Probably not, but with age and motherhood I have and am still learning where to insert my own boundaries because I may want to protect everyone around me, but I also have to remember to protect myself just as much, if not more. Everything is a learning experience and everyone is fighting their own battles, so remember not to take the strong one or yourself for granted. We all need a little grace for each other and definitely for ourselves.