My first baby turns 4 years old tomorrow and my heart can only kind of handle it. Looking back over her life this far is so bittersweet for me. She has always been so ahead of the game, desperate for knowledge from the jump, and because of her, her little siblings are not far behind. It’s extremely impressive and intimidating all at once all the time. While I can’t believe how fast time has gone, and how I wish it would slow down a little so we can really enjoy these moments, I’m also very excited to see where all that interest, perseverance, and exceptionality takes her in life.

Just like every year, I can’t wait to see the smile on her face tomorrow morning when she sees her balloons, her decorations, and her gifts that will keep me up all night tonight. Every second is worth it for the joy that tomorrow will bring her little heart. I have the entire day planned — of course. I just hope that I can keep myself aware of slowing down and enjoying it all as much as she is.

I know I’m not alone when it comes to the pressure behind these holidays and birthdays for my babies. I want them to be able to look back and cherish every bit of it because mom made sure they could. It’s a very important part of motherhood for me, but also unfortunately causes a decent amount of stress. How could it not, right? I hope to have everything planned and organized to avoid any sort of chaos throughout the day so that we all get to soak every bit of it in — which I feel like in turn sometimes sets me up for extra stress and actually missing too much of the moment.

I guess I’m learning more with every passing year, more about myself, about who my kids are becoming, and about how I actually envision the years to come. Regardless of the little things that are out of my control (whether I know that or not), my little girl is growing and evolving more every day. She is love and she is joy, and tomorrow specifically it is my mission to make sure she knows that and experiences nothing but that.

It’s been 4 whole years since my little girl made me a mama and like I said, my heart can only kind of handle it. Seeing how far we have both come in that time is impressive and also bittersweet. She may be turning into a big girl right before my eyes, but one thing is for sure… she will always be my baby girl. I owe her the world because she completely changed mine in all the best ways.